Ruck'n Maul
Highs and lows of another bizarre rugby season
Greg Growden
October 2, 2014
Greg Growden isn't impressed with the excuses being trotted out for the Wallabies

To coincide with the end of the Rugby Championship this weekend, it's time for the final Ruck'n Maul column of 2014, where we remind all of the many wild and crazy moments of an always unpredictable, often funny, constantly bewildering rugby season. Hear are some of the highlights.

Most telling 'Snake on the Plane' episode

The Wallabies flight from Johannesburg to South America this week exposed the many lingering problems hovering over the Australian team. The relationship between several players and members of the team management, which includes numerous inexperienced staffers, has been fragile for a long time. It all erupted when Kurtley Beale had a verbal stoush on the flight with Wallabies business manager Di Patston, prompting her to head for home before this weekend's Test against the Pumas. This issue will not die off quickly, and yes it is complicated. The big question now is whether the players still have complete faith in their coach Ewen McKenzie after he missed a Wallabies training session in Argentina and was openly critical of how the reserves played in Cape Town.

The best achievement

The New South Wales Waratahs winning the Super Rugby title. Michael Cheika did what he said he would do when he took over as head coach - ending the gentlemen's club mentality at the province and getting the players fit again. He flogged them during the pre-season and the results of that tough love soon showed. They were often peaking at the end of matches.

What made the Waratahs' first Super Rugby title triumph even more compelling is that it wasn't always one big happy family. There was often division between head office and the team management. It was widely known that Cheika and Waratahs CEO Jason Allen were not close, and that administerial bungling often exasperated the Waratahs. Cheika soon made it clear that if he was to stay next season, major changes were required in head office. Cheika achieved his wish when Allen opted to follow several others out the door. Hopefully one day the Waratahs will get their office in order. Not before time.

The Waratahs finally basked in glory in 2014 © Getty Images
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Biggest moment

Super Rugby final night. The Waratahs' true believers were at last rewarded after years of exasperation, and with a classic finish. The enormous cheer when Cheika appeared on the field to join the celebrations will be remembered for a long time.

Strangest whinge

ARU officials complaining that an 'inherited' Rugby Championship schedule contributed to an Australian collapse early in the tournament, prompting interest in the code to sadly drop right off. Oh come on! No other team is complaining about the schedule, and instead has just got on with it. Every side has travel concerns. And if you're good enough, there's nothing wrong with playing the All Blacks back to back at the start of the competition. After all, it is at a time when with the Super Rugby just finished, all the Australian players should be primed for big, important Test matches.

Dumb Decisions

- The ARU at the start of the year pushing to levy $200 from every rugby club to supposedly stop the code going under. Thankfully NSW officials told them exactly what they could do with that silly, and highly inflammatory idea.

- The ARU forcing Israel Folau out of the Super Rugby match because of a throat injury after the Waratahs had ruled him fit. Folau was infuriated with the ARU's heavy-handed approach, and went public, arguing that he could have played. This conflict did nothing to improve the tenuous relationship Folau has with certain ARU administrators.

- That five of the nine National Rugby Championship teams wear either yellow or orange jerseys. Confusion reigns.

Biggest blunder

Those NRC officials who put the barricades up in front of those who were pushing hard for Jonny Wilkinson to play in the competition this year. A dream almost became reality until officials made it too difficult for those willing to put the money up so that Wilkinson could appear for the Sydney Stars. At least Wilkinson would have guaranteed an audience. Instead the NRC game-day crowds have been only fair to middling. Anything above 1,000 people has been a bonus.

New South Wales' Stephen Hoiles is congratulated after scoring, New South Wales Waratahs v Blues, Super Rugby trial match, Allianz Stadium, Sydney, February 7, 2014
Stephen Hoiles went to great lengths to return for the Waratahs © Getty Images
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Most rousing return

Stephen Hoiles. The 32-year-old Hoiles, a former Brumbies captain, showed great courage to return to the Super Rugby ranks, and be part of the Waratahs' title campaign, after suffering several extensive injuries. He even travelled to Sweden to undergo surgery on his damaged Achilles tendon.

The best 'they should have double-checked' moment

During the Bulls-Lions Super Rugby match, a minute's silence was held before kick-off for a number of former Bulls players who had recently died. Shortly after, the daughter of one of the players mourned rang the ground to explain: "He's not dead, he was watching the game in his lounge room, and boy is he upset."

Quotes of the Year

"There's no real negatives out of the performance, apart from the fact that we lost." Highlanders coach Jamie Joseph.

"You blokes are like yo-yos, aren't you? You go backwards and forwards. You go round and round on the 10 thing." Wallabies coach Ewen McKenzie getting a bit upset when asked by the Australian media yet again about Kurtley Beale and whether he would be playing at No 10.

And the winner is - yet again - Kurtley Beale. After his 2013 doozie of "Them flick passes aren't really in our abattoir", this year he came up with another cracker when asked why the Waratahs have always struggled at Eden Park.

"There's obviously a voodoo there for a lot of foreign players," Beale said.

Least impressive function

The Super Rugby launch at a Sydney surf club. Numerous journalists got completely lost, and had to ring others for directions, so that they could get to the out-of-the-way joint. The Force didn't even bother sending one of their big name players to it - instead wheeling out Adam Coleman. The headlines the following day in the Sydney media? The Daily Telegraph splashed with: "We're flat bloke" with the sub-heading 'Rugby boss Pulver warns code must face painful financial measures." The only highlight was the great toasted sandwiches on offer.

Worst wasted PR moment

The Major League Baseball season opener in Sydney between the Los Angeles Dodgers and Arizona Diamondbacks was a big hit. On the eve of the match, Dodgers and Diamondbacks players were photographed at the SCG with the Sydney Swans' Adam Goodes, Sydney FC's Alessandro Del Piero and the Sydney Roosters' Sonny Bill Williams. A Waratahs player was also supposed to be part of the photo-shoot, but due to a major bungle, did not show up.

Signing of the Year

Jacques Potgieter by the Waratahs.

Jacques Potgieter was instrumental in the Waratahs' success in 2014 © Getty Images
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The rumour that doesn't go away

Israel Folau to be sighted in either the Toulon or NRL Roosters colours after next year's World Cup.

Best of luck

To the ARU, which believes it can drastically boost its SANZAR television broadcasting deal, even after TV ratings slumped dramatically after the Wallabies bombed in Auckland.

The most lingering issue

The 2013 Dublin drinking affair and how it was still simmering many months later, including during this year's Super Rugby tournament. Some are still narked off they were supposedly 'dobbed in' by others during the last Wallabies end-of-season tour. At least the rift between certain Waratahs and Brumbies players has at last subsided.

Australia's Pat McCabe touches down for a try, Australia v Argentina, Rugby Championship, Skilled Park, Gold Coast, Australia, September 15, 2012
Pat McCabe was a wonderful asset for the Wallabies © PA Photos
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Saddest moment

Pat McCabe having to retire after yet another serious neck injury. Hopefully he is not lost to the game, because the Test utility is one of Australian Rugby's best ambassadors - courageous, humble and always courteous.

You lookin' at me award

To the ARU heavies who have been checking staff emails to find out who is supposedly leaking information to the media. Pathetic.

Most telling quote

Waratahs captain Dave Dennis explaining to Rugga Matrix that he was among the many who didn't see the point of box kicks. "This whole year we never used it at all. So maybe that's given away our secret. At the Waratahs, the box kick wasn't part of our weaponry. I'm not a massive fan of it, to be honest." To the thousands who hate box kicks, these were encouraging words.

Best nicknames

Gomez - The big noting Super Rugby official who loves wearing pin stripe suits ala Gomez in the Addams Family.

Virgil - the ARU official because he is a puppet, like the Thunderbirds Virgil Tracy.

Manuel - what one ARU official calls his Waratahs counterpart.

Sofa - what players at one Australian Super Rugby province call their CEO because the official is in need of the psychiatrist's couch.

The Fan - What Wallabies call one ARU official who loves getting into the dressing room and hobnobbing with them.

The Pest - the father of a Wallaby.

The Showman - Bernard Foley, after numerous last-minute kicks to win major games, such as the Super Rugby final and the Springboks Test in Perth, showed that he was the king of producing under pressure.

The most way-out crowd figure of the year

The 14,000-crowd figure for the Gold Coast Test between the Wallabies and Pumas. We hear the real figure was only about half that.

The All Blacks are good, but they're not the best

Full praise for Cyprus, who boast a 23-game winning streak. Fair record for a team who played their first game in poorly fitted shirts bought in a pub.

The most riveting half-time saga

The competition to find the NRC's fastest mascot had everything - controversy, dramas, no-shows, pain, and glee. Ratty, the Warringah Rat mascot, became an internet sensation through a video which showed him losing a race when he strained a hamstring after his pants had fallen down. Then Ratty lost the next race, when he was disqualified for a temper tantrum that included throwing a ball at opponent, Tah Man. And the final revelation - strong word that Ratty is a male stripper in his spare time. Weeeee.

See you again early next year for more Ruck'n Maul revelations.

© ESPN Sports Media Ltd

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