Put some water on the f***ing greens. I can't control the wind, but I can't control the green staff either      Ernie Els criticises the course setup at Wentworth, as conditions make life difficult for the players May 26, 2012

     You don't have to use short passes. Not if you want to use your big man up front.      The (worrying) words of new England boss Roy Hodgson May 26, 2012

     How did you get your wife to agree to that?      Frank Mir asks UFC heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos how he was allowed to sleep with the belt the night after he won it against Cain Velasquez May 25, 2012

     Frankly the men in blazers and those bright pink and orange corduroy trousers who control the RFU will not give any consideration to the passion of London Welsh      Denis MacShane, MP for Rotherham, sympathises with London Welsh's struggles to gain promotion to the Premiership May 24, 2012

     I am far too boring to use Twitter, I have nothing interesting to say.      England captain Andrew Strauss, responding to news Kevin Pietersen has been fined for a Twitter rant, makes a play for Steve 'Interesting' Davis' moniker. #comic genuis May 24, 2012

     We've got the best of the weather, which is why we came to Manchester.      James Milner makes light of the fact England's Euro 2012 training is taking place at Etihad Stadium May 24, 2012

     I want to see the detail where the devil often is      London Welsh chairman Bleddyn Phillips is eager to see the reasoning behind the decision to block his side's potential promotion to the Aviva Premiership May 23, 2012

     Go for the hat-trick of daft questions, go on.      Lee Westwood ridicules a journalist after being asked if he would prefer to beat Luke Donald or Rory McIlroy in a play-off at Wentworth May 23, 2012

     They might as well have just sent us a letter.      Roger Federer was furious at the ITF's decision to change Olympic qualifying criteria without consulting the players May 23, 2012

     If I had trained this hard when I was riding track at the Olympics, God only knows what I might have done.      Bradley Wiggins admits road racing is harder than track cycling May 23, 2012

     I wish someone would put their dick on the chopping block and say this is what we're doing       Phil Vickery with some no-nonsense advise to the local council after plans for the Stadium for Cornwall were turned down May 23, 2012

     Even if they tell me to come and cut the grass. I will do it.      Didier Drogba says he would love to return to Chelsea after he hangs up his boots May 23, 2012

     It's imperative for him to keep winning and beating up puddings en route to retirement, as that sets him up nicely for a career in politics.      David Haye believes Vitali Klitschko dodged a fight with him May 22, 2012

     In football terms, what I'm asking for is by no means outrageous.      Stick the phrase 'in football terms' in front of any discussion about wages and you can get away with just about anything. It's a policy Danny Simpson is happy to adopt in his discussions with Newcastle May 21, 2012

     I'm only 27 but I look 60.      David Gold says life as West Ham co-owner has turned his hair grey. May 21, 2012

     I had control and started cupcaking it out there.      Gilbert Melendez analyses his fortunate win over Josh Thomson. Answers on a postcard for what 'cupcaking it' means. May 20, 2012

     It proves how bloody good he was and is as a rugby player and as a sportsman      All Blacks boss Steve Hansen pays tribute to lock Brad Thorn after he added the Heineken Cup to a glittering rugby CV May 20, 2012

     It's time for a big party with the cup with the big ears.      Roberto Di Matteo could barely wait to celebrate Chelsea's Champions League triumph May 19, 2012

     To quote Bubba Watson, I haven't got that far in my dreams      Leinster captain Leo Cullen reflects on his side's Heineken Cup final victory over Ulster - the province's third European title in four years May 19, 2012

     It wasn't exactly El Clasico and I feel like I dodged a bullet there.      Graeme McDowell admits his World Match Play Championship quarter-final with Sergio Garcia lacked a little quality May 19, 2012

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