- Week in Words
It's always sunny in... Manchester?!
The latest week in words captures the mood of golfers like Lee Westwood (bad), Didier Drogba (extremely good) and Phil Vickery (downright disturbing).
So here it is - or perhaps look elsewhere for pithy comments about silly sporting quotes...
"Put some water on the f***ing greens. I can't control the wind, but I can't control the green staff either."
Ernie Els forgets there is a hosepipe ban as he sounds off about the Wentworth course he designed.
"You don't have to use short passes. Not if you want to use your big man up front."
New England manager Roy Hodgson reveals in training he will stick with the Three Lions' traditional approach.
"How did you get your wife to agree to that?"
Frank Mir evidently lives under the thumb after expressing his surprise that Junior dos Santos occasionally sleeps with his UFC heavyweight belt.
"Frankly the men in blazers and those bright pink and orange corduroy trousers who control the RFU will not give any consideration to the passion of London Welsh."
Denis MacShane, MP for Rotherham, suggests it's not just crimes against fashion the RFU commits.
"I am far too boring to use Twitter, I have nothing interesting to say."
England captain Andrew Strauss unwittingly (or, perhaps, very much knowingly) underlines his own point.
"We've got the best of the weather, which is why we came to Manchester."
James Milner really should use some of that Manchester City cash to try a European holiday one of these summers.
"Go for the hat-trick of daft questions, go on."
Lee Westwood mocks a journalist. Go for a hat-trick of chokes in a major championship, Lee, go on.
"They might as well have just sent us a letter."
Roger Federer was furious at the ITF's decision to change Olympic qualifying criteria without consulting players - even by email.
"If I had trained this hard when I was riding track at the Olympics, God only knows what I might have done."
Bradley Wiggins reveals the extent of his current training. Fortunately, Wiggo, you can't do any better than the gold you already got.
"I wish someone would put their dick on the chopping block and say this is what we're doing."
Phil Vickery seemingly gets his RFU board meetings confused with something completely different.
"Even if they tell me to come and cut the grass. I will do it."
Well, Didier Drogba has spent enough time lying on the Stamford Bridge turf during his time it probably should be his responsibility.
"It's imperative for him to keep winning and beating up puddings en route to retirement, as that sets him up nicely for a career in politics."
David Haye, the man who engineered a fight against Wladimir Klitschko by feasting on 'puddings', mocks the Ukrainian's opponents.
"In football terms, what I'm asking for is by no means outrageous."
Try this at home, no demand sounds unreasonable if you - like Danny Simpson - use the disclaimer "in football terms".
"I'm only 27 but I look 60."
David Gold reveals the ageing process is accelerated in east London, as the rest of the population have often suspected.
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