• Week in Words

Kick them in the f***ing head

Mike Tyson continues to make headlines © Getty Images

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Get the online translators out, here's the latest indecipherable collection of quotes from the past sporting week...

"Would Burnley players have ever understood what he wanted if he'd told them to 'solidificate'."
Ex-Burnley chief executive Paul Fletcher reveals why they turned Andre Villas-Boas down after a job interview. Ian "Bouncebackability" Dowie has been encouraged to apply

"If it's not working one way, you can kick them in the f***ing head."
The results of Mike Tyson's seminar can be seen on most Friday evenings outside Nottingham nightclubs

"He's saying the grass isn't always greener, and he's right. I like what's in my field."
Wayne Rooney reveals how Sir Alex Ferguson attempted to persuade him not to have hair treatment

"About 60m in I thought: 'Oh crap, I'm in the lead'."
Jonnie Peacock clearly had a cheeky tenner on coming second in the T44 100m final

"I'm hitting it further, I'm hitting it straighter, which is a nice combo."
We tell you what, it really seems like Tiger Woods is getting the hang of how you get better at this golf thing...

"The scales in the club gym tell me I've put on a few more pounds than expected - seven. Seven! Then I remember - I drank a few bevvies while I was away."
The calorific content of Murphy's Irish Stout once again caught out Wayne Rooney

"I must say I personally prefer the FC Cologne anthem over the Liverpool one."
Arsenal's Lukas Podolski clearly got "You'll Never Walk Alone" mixed up with "You German bastard" on his recent trip to Anfield

"He calls himself the American Gangster but he ratted out all his friends in that money laundering situation? That's not gangster. He's a punk."
UFC champ Jon Jones draws on his experience of The Godfather to enlighten Chael Sonnen on the art of being 'gangster'

"It's a bullet I must bite every year."
No matter how hard John Heitinga tries, he cannot get away from Everton

"He works as hard as two men so I'd prefer to have him in my team rather than play against him."
Moussa Dembele is happy for Clint Dempsey to continue doing enough work for both of them at Tottenham

"I'm looking forward to checking out the ice cream truck that's around the corner from my hotel. It's been haunting me."
We just hope Maria Sharapova knows a 99 no longer gives you change out of a pound

"It's like a long distance relationship with a girl. Everything is great but you live apart and it can't work out."
Mark Cavendish proposes that he and Bradley Wiggins move in together

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