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Hilario consequences and penalty charges

The linesman removes a pitchfork from the turf © Getty Images

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Stick a fork in it
You know you're playing Sunday league football when you have to remove bottles, broken glass and other assorted loose impediments from the pitch with your own hands between passages in play. Rarely do you ever have to remove a pitchfork from the playing surface, however (although the recent riots might have changed that, if they reached Hackney Marshes) - yet that is exactly what happened just minutes into Chelsea's Premier League clash with Norwich. The linesman was forced to react hastily to remove the offending tool, which had obviously been left there by an absent-minded groundsman.

A few minutes later, play was stopped so referee Mike Jones could pop a few stray balloons that had also made their way onto the pitch. Hmm, now where might you find a weapon that could help complete that task...?

Another Hilario-us highlight
David de Gea might thank some higher deity that he is not Henrique Hilario on Saturday night, after the career back-up made another blunder that nearly cost his side dearly. With Branislav Ivanovic seemingly having a long ball under control, the Portuguese decided to scramble from his line and try and punch the ball clear - succeeding only in palming it to Grant Holt, who made no mistake in scoring into the open net.

Penalty charges may apply
It never rains but it pours for Steve Kean, who saw his side miss two penalties and then get beaten at the death by the very same method. Junior Hoilett (saved) and Mauro Formica (hit the post) were the guilty parties, before Mikel Arteta showed both men how it is done with an effort as cool as you are ever likely to see.

What will hurt even more for Kean is the fact that Everton's penalty looked remarkably soft, as Christopher Samba tussled with Marouane Fellaini. Perhaps this evening is one for Kean to go away and drown his sorrows... on second thoughts, perhaps not.

Never follow the Herd
You can forgive youngster Chris Herd for being desperate to make an impact after being given the nod for Aston Villa's game against Wolves at Villa Park. It's a measure of the man that he managed to do so after less than 15 minutes of the derby match - although the impression he made was on his forehand, not the contest. Competing for a header from a Villa corner, Herd underestimated his positioning and, after a deflection off goalkeeper Wayne Hennessey, succeeded only in planting a pretty impressive 'Glasgow kiss' on one of the goalposts. The impact kept the 22-year-old on the ground for five minutes while he received treatment - possibly for concussion, possibly for embarrassment.

Santo at the double
Before today, Franco di Santo's record goal tally for a Premier League season was one - achieved twice in the past two seasons (there is something to be said for consistency, we guess). Yet, in the space of barely 25 minutes at the DW Stadium, the lanky Argentine forward scored twice past Paddy Kenny - making this his record goalscoring season (after just three games), and doubling his league strikes after taking 57 games to score the first two.

An unkind soul may have suggested this was Di Santo's first brace since he had his teeth straightened when he was 12 ... but who knows how many goals he might now go on to score?

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