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Dalglish sells Dutchman - but £41m can't buy Carroll

Kenny Dalglish (not pictured: Andy van der Meyde) © PA Photos

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After a dramatic final day of the August transfer window, which saw Mikel Arteta join Arsenal and Raul Meireles move to Chelsea, we round up the best and worst of the action...

Mail madness
The Daily Mail website didn't cover itself in glory by announcing: "Kenny Dalglish, having offloaded Joe Cole and Andy van der Meyde on deadline day, now has the funds to bring Craig Bellamy in on a free transfer." Yep, that's Dalglish getting rid of Van der Meyde, who has never played for Liverpool, retired from football in February, and left Everton in 2009. The best thing is, we can't even guess who the journo was trying to refer to.

It's all White
Finally, after seven months (probably) spent snarling in a cage, getting whipped into a frenzy by watching crude footage of Bryan Swanson prodding at a touchscreen, deadline-day regular Jim White was let loose on the Sky Sports audience. After all that build-up, the presenter could have exploded and it would have been underwhelming but, in fairness, his opening line - a shrill, Noddy Holder-esque shriek of: "It's deadline day!" - was great comedy. It's deadline day? Really???? It took just 14 minutes for his phone to come out, with the Scot embarking on a conversation that totally contradicted what reporter Rachel Brookes had said a few seconds previously, and also suspiciously ended without any sort of goodbye. Just brilliant.

Breaking news
Earth-shattering stuff from arsenal.com, who rocked the world to its very core by declaring new signing Andre Santos "will have A. Santos on the back of his shirt". Who'd have guessed it, people!

Denis Stracqualursi: Busted were his life © PA Photos

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Twits everywhere
New Everton signing Denis Stracqualursi - whose name looked like the Toffees were playing a practical joke, concocting a complex anagram of something unspeakable - found himself propelled into the limelight when he briefly became a trending topic on Twitter, alongside such life-enhancing issues as #BUSTEDWEREMY LIFE and #JLSBESTBOYBANDEVER. Praise be to social media, and all those who sail within her.

Cotta be done
At Tottenham's training ground, Sky Sports' Gary Cotterill wasn't about to miss the chance to interact with the gaggle of youths that had congregated behind him. Cotterill would ask them questions - "Peter Crouch out?" or "Gary Cahill in?" for instance - and each time he would get exactly the same response, an uninterested "wheyyy". But Cotts was hearing something we weren't, and so "wheyyyy" - always exactly the same sound - would be interpreted variously as "ooo, that's clear" and then, seconds later, "well, they're not sure about that!" Dr. Dolittle-esque stuff from one of the deadline-day legends.

Cott again
Another classic slab of Cotterill later in the evening as he attempted to snare an interview with Spurs boss Harry Redknapp, who was flomping into a car after leaving his office. Following Alan Partridge-esque yelps of "Harry! Harry! Harry!" from Cotts, who was standing so far away that "Harry!" couldn't hear him, Redknapp stopped 100 metres from the reporter - a tense stand-off blamed on "seatbelt problems" - before eventually (reluctantly) stopping next to the Sky man for a grilling.

Passenger Pete
Poor old Peter Crouch who, after being told a couple of weeks ago he wouldn't be leaving Tottenham, went on to be linked with every club in the world, meaning he was permanently "on his way" somewhere, scuttling up and down motorways to discuss "formalities". At one point he sent his dad to speak to Stoke - the tactic also employed by Nicklas Bendtner, interestingly (or not) - which looked like a snub, but it was the Potters who eventually won the race for Crouch, who was probably just glad to be out of the bloody car.

There were no takers for El-Hadji Diouf © Getty Images

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Spitting mad
Pantomime villain El-Hadji Diouf got himself in on the action, suffering the indignity of being released from his Blackburn contract with just three hours left in the window, making himself a lucrative option to any manager who missed out on their main target - giving Dioufy even more reason to act all sulky and unwanted. Hooray.

Carroll craziness
When you're drowning in rumours and silly season is raging, it takes a lot for something to stand out as being mad, but Newcastle Evening Chronicle journalist Lee Ryder still managed to set off alarm bells when, as a lone voice, he declared that Russian club Anzhi - the new home of Samuel Eto'o - had made a £41 million bid for Liverpool striker Andy Carroll. It was ridiculous enough that Kenny Dalglish paid £35m in the first place.

Toon trauma
Newcastle proved the villains of the piece, arrogantly attempting to hijack Fulham's bid for Bryan Ruiz at the 11th hour. The Twente striker was having a medical in London, but that didn't stop the Magpies matching Fulham's offer, and dangling the carrot of better personal terms. They even commandeered that snarling beast of deadline day, the helicopter, which apparently was ready to whisk Ruiz away to St James' Park at a moment's notice. But it wasn't to be, and Fulham got their man, so there's your happy ending.

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