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Birthday blues for Ramires & Assou-Ekotto

Petr Cech's save from Rafael van der Vaart was the highlight of an awful first half at Stamford Bridge © Getty Images

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On a day that saw Liverpool conquered by Wigan and Bolton record a victory in their first game since Fabrice Muamba's cardiac arrest, we round up the best and worst of the action...

Clowning around
In the tunnel before kick-off, Chelsea defender David Luiz bounded up to the young Tottenham mascot, appearing all smiles, and then put his hand over the Tottenham badge before crushing it in his hand. Then, bizarrely, he broke into a wide grin. Scary; seems he shares both Sideshow Bob's haircut and his mean streak.

I'll cry if I want to
Two birthday boys were in direct competition at Stamford Bridge: Spurs left-back Benoit Assou-Ekotto, celebrating his 28th, coming up against Chelsea's right-winger Ramires, now 25. That was about the only thing worth mentioning from the opening period, which was as bad as any this season; it took 30 minutes for the first shot, and that was a wild drive from Gareth Bale. It looked like a 0-0 from the early stages - and sure enough, that's how it finished.

Mystic Motts
Tell you what, that John Motson isn't afraid of putting his neck on the line. After Chelsea's draw with Tottenham left Di Matteo's side five points behind Spurs and Arsenal, fourth and third-placed respectively (Arsenal later moved eight points clear of Chelsea), the veteran commentator said: "I still think Arsenal and Tottenham will qualify for the Champions League". Steady on, Motty!

A-list lunch
We're not saying QPR owner Tony Fernandes is a name-dropper - well actually, that's exactly what we're saying. Fernandes, the Caterham F1 team principle who is in Malaysia for this weekend's Grand Prix, tweeted: "Off for dinner with Owen Wilson and Adrian Brody."

Peter Crouch's wonder goal
A play of the day if ever there was one. One touch to control it, one touch to volley it over Joe Hart and into the far corner from all of 30 yards. Who knew the lanky forward had it in him?

Back to front
David Wheater and Gary Caldwell aren't known as the most graceful of central defenders, more Frank Sinclair than Franz Beckenbauer, yet between them they managed three goals on Saturday. Wheater helped himself to a brace as Bolton beat Blackburn, and Caldwell's strike handed Wigan a stunning 2-1 victory at Anfield. Giving a decent Pele impression, Caldwell cut inside Andy Carroll in the box (was anyone playing in the right position?!) before finishing neatly.

Thanks for coming
Laurent Koscielny was injured in the warm-up for Arsenal, which brought Johan Djourou into the fray - and the Switzerland international had barely been on the pitch for two minutes when he took an elbow from Emile Heskey that bloodied his nose and left him stricken for a while. Maybe Koscielny saw Heskey sharpening his elbows in the warm-up.

Two Lions
Arsene Wenger has often been criticised for not fielding English youngsters, and the 3-0 win over Aston Villa was the first time two different English players have scored for the Gunners in the same game since 1997. Back then Ray Parlour, Ian Wright and David Platt all got on the scoresheet. Heady times.

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