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Robbie Savage: The Alternative transcript

Robbie Savage barks out the orders at Derby © Getty Images

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We've seen plenty of fearsome duels throughout the years. Norman Hunter v Franny Lee springs to mind, Kevin Keegan v Billy Bremner makes the DVD, but none of them compare to Tuesday's stand-off between Robbie Savage and BBC Radio Derby's Colin Gibson.

Gibson doesn't like what he's seeing at Pride Park and, after the 4-1 defeat to Scunthorpe, he suggested on his phone-in show that Nigel Clough might not have the full backing of his players.

Thanks to the BBC, we can bring you the eruption that resulted from his claim, ignited by gladiatorial debater Robbie Savage.

Below is the transcript of Tuesday's press conference, with our suggestions of what they really meant to say in brackets...

RS: I was in the car on Saturday and listened to what you said on the radio. You said "I've heard rumours that some of the players don't think the backroom staff are up to the job." Can you substantiate that? (I was driving my Mercedes home on Saturday and heard you saying that us players don't rate the manager. How did you find out?)

CG: That's what I've heard. (We live in Derby. If I don't say such things how am I meant to make the show interesting?)

RS: You've heard off who? (Was it Lee Hendrie, because he's a little ***)

CG: I'm not prepared to say. (If only I knew any of the players' names)

RS: I'm the captain in the dressing room, I haven't heard anything... (Although Rob Hulse is wondering why he's asked to play centre back in attack v defence)

CG: So are you saying the rumours aren't true? (Lee Hendrie, I should have said Lee Hendrie to the earlier question)

RS: But you're saying rumours. I don't think that's responsible journalism to report rumours. (You're getting lazy on the job Colin)

RS: I don't mind national papers like the Sun, the Mirror, the Express having a go at Derby County... (People take tabloids with a pinch of salt; Cloughie might actually chase this one up)

RS: I've been at this football club for two years and I care. I may have the odd bad game, more times than not in the last few weeks, so what? I give everything I've got. (I know I can't hit a cow's ass with a banjo but I still help put the cones out in training)

RS: Colin Bloomfield says "boos echo around the stadium". People can hear that for themselves. I tell you this, Colin Bloomfield doesn't have a clue what he's talking about. (We can all hear the booing, but do you have to tell people who weren't at the ground? It's embarrassing.)

CG: Is this the right time to be discussing this? Should we not be discussing your failings? (Let's talk about the fact you can't find a white shirt)

RS: You said "I've heard rumours". Let me tell you about the backroom staff. Johnny Metgod, do you know who he played for? (Dodged that bullet)

CG: Forest (He scored that free kick didn't he?)

RS: Who else? Real Madrid. Real Madrid. (If he mentions Laurent Faubert I'm screwed)

RS: Gary Crosby, do you know who he played for?

CG: Forest (Worked last time)

RS: How many Cup finals? (Thank-you Google)

CG: No idea (Hope the BBC don't publish this on their website)

RS: Four or five. (I can't remember either but it's one of the two...)

RS: Martin Taylor. Did he play in the Premier League? (Technically...)

CG: He might have done (When did I last update my CV...)

RS: Did he or didn't he? Simple question. He played once so yes he played in the Premier League (He was rubbish but it strengthens my argument)

RS: Andy Garner. Good lower league player, very good, played for Derby County (Andy Garner, never heard of him before I joined, time to wrap it up)

RS: Let me tell you, they are all up to the job, no question in my mind or any player's mind in the dressing room. I'm one of the biggest characters in that dressing room, the staff are up to the job 100 percent and so is the manager. Put that on your radio station. (I've got the biggest mouth in the dressing room, case closed)

CG: Why are the team so inconsistent? (Why are Derby so ****?)

RS: You've got all the answers, what rumours have you heard? Our gaffer conducted a pre-match and post-match interview. Why weren't the rumours put to him then? (Ignore the difficult question, go back to the rumours)

CG: I don't know, I didn't do the interview (That chump Bloomfield did)

RS: Who did? Colin Bloomfield? Why didn't he put the questions to Nigel? (Go on, stitch your mate up)

SILENCE

RS: I have never known a local radio station wanting a club to fail so much in all my life. All people do is call the phone-ins to nail the team, the players, the manager (I thought I had a solid game against Scunthorpe, I was tuning in to receive some praise)

CG: These people pay your wages, are they not entitled to their view? (You get paid the same as Aaron Lennon, guess who we'd rather have)

CG: Why is the team going through a bad time? (For the last time, why are you so ****?)

RS: Well you seem to have all the answers. Why the "I've heard rumours?" talk? Hopefully you can start getting behind the team. It's difficult enough going out in front of 30,000 supporters... (There's no place to hide out there when you're as bad as I am)

CG: You're a professional footballer. Go out and do your job (Stop moaning you big girl)

RS: We're trying. Scunthorpe were better than us, Blackpool were better than us (Have you seen the garbage in our team?)

CG: I think 28,000 people find it hard to take that Scunthorpe are better than Derby. Shouldn't you be better than Scunthorpe who are behind you in the table and have one of the worst away records in the division? (I can't even find Scunthorpe on a map, you're embarrassing)

RS: Man United lost to Leeds in the FA Cup (Let's bring this down to schoolyard level)

RS: Burnley beat Man United (So there)

CG: What's that got to do with Derby? (He might have stumped me here)

RS: You just said 'shouldn't Derby be beating Scunthorpe?' In that case, shouldn't Chelsea be beating everyone? (Chelsea beat Burnley, who beat United, so Chelsea are better than United)

CG: All 28,000 people see is another year of struggle and a team that's heading towards League One. I think they've had enough (We've got better things to do on a Saturday than watch this dross)

RS: What do you expect? If you've got to lose £6-7 million from the wage bill... (And part of that is my £30,000 wage that cannot be offloaded)

CG: So that's it. Sorry guys, you've shelled out your season ticket money but it's another season of struggle (So you expect me to support the club through the bad times?)

RS: What do you want. Should we be winning the league? (Did I not mention we're coached by Andy Garner?)

CG: It'd be nice

RS: We do our best. That's all we can do. In the last three games, it hasn't been good enough (We try but we're ****)

CG: Why?

RS: If I knew that I'd be manager of Manchester United (Sir Alex Ferguson couldn't turn this lot around)

CG: It's bizarre that you can go to Newcastle and get a draw with what was apparently a spirited performance (I wasn't at that game either)

CG: It suggests the players aren't good enough (let's call a spade a spade)

RS: Maybe they're not. If that's the case, I'm sure the manager would like to buy 11 players and put them in the team, but he can't. Fact (You're stuck with us. Fact)

Ben Blackmore is an assistant editor of ESPN.co.uk

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