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A goal drought - and the return of Own Goal

"A goal, a goal, my kingdom for a goal!" © PA Photos

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The best league in the world!

Five Premier League games on Saturday promised a fair amount of action to get stuck into. Alas, 40 minutes into each of them (so, if our GCSE maths holds up, that's a cumulative 200 minutes) there had not been a single goal.

The greatest league in the world? Possibly, if greatness is defined by the complete absence of anything to watch or discuss...

The monotony, boredom, purgatory or whatever else you would like to call it was eventually broken by Everton's Darron Gibson - who scored thanks to a massive deflection off QPR's Clint Hill. The second half made up for it somewhat, but by then just how many fans were already asleep?

You had one job!

The boredom of the first half seemed to affect some in different ways than others. For example, the referee at the Reading-Liverpool game, Mark Clattenburg, presumably had a half-time snooze in his office - perhaps only hurrying out for the second half when his linesmen summoned him.

The polarising official probably thought he had got away with it too ... until the time came to book Danny Guthrie for a clumsy foul on Daniel Sturridge. Reaching for his pocket, Clattenburg suddenly discovered he had left his cards back in his dressing room.

Running across to the sidelines, Clattenburg managed to scalp a spare set off the fourth official. He keeps finding ever more inventive ways to be the centre of attention.

Spotter's badge

Speaking of being the centre of attention ... the linesman who awarded Arsenal a penalty against Norwich - an opportunity Mikel Arteta would convert for an equaliser - was a good 60 yards away from the incident when he spotted Kei Kamara pulling on Olivier Giroud's shirt. Eagle eyes, indeed.

Still, at least Norwich bounced back from that bad lu... oh, wait, no they didn't - as the Gunners rode that advantage to all three points, Giroud converting himself late on to complete a dramatic turnaround. The Canaries were left to feel as sick as parrots.

Spot on from the spot

Mikel Arteta's successful penalty against Norwich was his fifth such finish of the season - the most of any player in the Premier League this season. Hardly at Andy Johnson levels (the then-Crystal Palace forward scored 11, many won himself, during the 2004/05 season) but still pretty impressive.

The Spaniard has had the arrogance to miss one too, against Fulham earlier in the season.

The power of five

For many years it has been a running joke on Twitter that one of Manchester United's most prolific strikers has been Own Goal, but it appears the forward-of-uncertain-nationality's career has been waning slightly in recent years - with Robin van Persie's arrival at Old Trafford perhaps forcing him to find first-team football at a team lower down the table.

But the goals keep flowing. With Fabian Delph's aid on Saturday afternoon, Own Goal moved into joint second in Fulham's goalscoring charts for the campaign - level with Mladen Petric but still some way adrift of Dimitar Berbatov.

Only United have benefitted from as many own goals as Fulham so far this season. Maybe this was one January transfer that flew completely under the radar.

Taking cheating too far

You wouldn't see this in the Premier League. Saturday's Blue Square Bet Premier clash between Newport County and Alfreton was delayed for ten minutes - after officials discovered one goal was six inches higher than the other.

No word on whether Newport, who are already in the playoffs, were hoping to sneak a first-half advantage. Nevertheless, even after the amendment they went on to win 2-0.

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