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Matt Stevens ready to return a better player

Stevens has returned to English rugby's front line with Aviva Premiership side Saracens © Getty Images

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Matt Stevens has described his drug rehabilitation as "one of the best experiences" of his life.

The 28-year-old former England prop admitted to a cocaine problem in 2008 and has since served a two-year suspension. But he returned to rugby's front line on Wednesday with Aviva Premiership club Saracens and was quick to express his gratitude for the harsh lesson he has learnt.

"It's going to sound very odd but the ban is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me," said Stevens. "That whole experience, getting banned, all led to where I am today, and I'm genuinely a lot happier a person and in a better place, so it's a good thing.

"I don't think I can conquer it. I think that's what you've got to learn about addiction. It's not about conquering it - it's about keeping it in check. It's been a humbling process - knowing where I'm weak but also where my strong points are."

Stevens admitted living a double-life while on cocaine had made him a fraud. "It's difficult to be a genuine person, definitely," said Stevens, who revealed after he was caught that his drug-taking was linked to feelings of self-loathing. "I don't want to get into the personal stuff because it's taken two years and it's been quite a process of self-evaluation.

"It's taught me a lot about myself, my limitations as a person, and what I've got to keep focused on - and it's taught me to be healthy, healthy of body but healthy of mind as well. I think I've got a bit more humility about me now."

The South Africa-born star, who also became a father during his ban, revealed he was "always on guard" about being dragged back into the world of drugs, adding, "I've been working with counselling and talking to people - it's not something you can do on your own. My friends, family, the players, Saracens now, they're really supportive."

Stevens, who pledged to help in the fight against drugs in sport, had braced himself for the opposite reaction from his fellow professionals. "I've got to say I was very humbled by the support I got from players that every right to go, 'You've let us down', and, 'Get out of my sight'," he said. "But it was amazing the kind of support I got from the likes of Lee Mears and Danny Grewcock at Bath and later, here, from the players at Saracens, the backroom staff."

He hoped that would also apply to spectators when he makes his playing comeback, first in a reserve game on Monday, then for the Saracens first team, and then - in an ideal world - for England. "People understand you can make mistakes - you can make a lot of mistakes," said Stevens, admitting to nerves about the prospect of facing the fans. "As long as I try to make sure that I don't make those mistakes again, I think you've got to give that kind of person a chance and that's what I've got to hope of other people."

Stevens will ultimately be judged on his performances, and he has a lot of catching up to do on that front. "I'm not arrogant enough to think that I'm going to step into a scrum and not feel like I've been run over by a car the next day," he said, "but I think that's what everyone feels if they've played a tough game."

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