Ireland v England - an Alternative Preview
Ben Singleton, Scrum Forum member
February 23, 2007

Scrum Forum member Ben Singleton takes an alternative look at the teams that will be running out at Croke Park on Saturday to see how England will fare in the individual confrontations...

The 6 Nations resumes on Saturday and once more England have an opportunity to be beaten by those lovely rebellious scamps, the Irish. Four years have now gone by since England last triumphed and it is a wound that continues to ache every time I think of it. So, let's take a look at the teams that will be running out at Croke Park and see how England will fare in the individual confrontations:

Perry Freshwater v John Hayes
From his limited time on the international field former Kiwi Freshwater has been a solid if unspectacular presence at the scrum. Hayes has been shown to be rubbish at this level when exposed (see Lions v Argentina). Unfortunately for England, Ireland know this and are pretty good at covering for it.
Advantage: ENGLAND (just)

George Chuter v Rory Best
Both players seem to have been selected mostly because they have an interestingly shaped head. The difference in heads shows the difference in attitude of the two coaches. 'Steady Eddie' goes for a nice predictable round head whilst 'genius' Ashton shows his preference for a more off the wall shape.
Advantage: EVENS

Phil Vickery v Marcus Horan
If Vickery can get anywhere near his best he'll own Horan. Although Horan is quick for a fatty and is guaranteed one break per game, he'd be better if he did something else as well.
Advantage: ENGLAND

Danny Grewcock v Paul O'Connell
Grewcock has never reached the heights of his 2001 form and likes to take regular 10 minute breaks during games. O'Connell apparently is really good, but I've never seen him do it myself. The battle will go to Ireland if the alleged O'Connell shows or to England if Grewcock keeps his head on.
Advantage: EVENS

Louis Deacon v Donnacha O'Callaghan
Battle of the hard-graft-working-locks-cliche. Deacon is a big man and needs to make more of an impression around the park. O'Callaghan is solid but unlikely to be being selected for any world XVs.
Advantage: EVENS

Joe Worsley v Simon Easterby
Worsley makes approximately 100,000 tackles per game for Wasps, but he's less useful in an England shirt for some reason. Easterby is fighter on the deck but I feel England know what he can do. Neil Best would have been a more interesting choice.
Advantage: EVENS

Magnus Lund v David Wallace
Lund is new paradigm in England forward play - an openside who plays openside for his club. He'll have his work cut out with Wallace though who has managed of late to bond his freakish speed with better work in the tight. Wallace is class.
Advantage: IRELAND

Martin Corry v Denis Leamy
Whilst Corry will give his all he's not the player he was (you know, back when he had pace). Leamy is much more sprightly but struggles, in my view, to shake the suspicion that he is just a bit rubbish.
Advantage: EVENS

Harry Ellis v Peter Stringer
Excellent pace but no pass is what we all thought of Ellis. Excellent pass but no pace is what we all thought of Stringer. Ellis seems to have worked a bit on his passing. Stringer just seems to be not as good as before. Isaac Boss is better on form - Eddie you berk!
Advantage: ENGLAND

Jonny Wilkinson v Ronan O'Gara
Wilko may possibly be the Messiah but still isn't the force he was. O'Gara is still a twit. Ronan may no longer be the weaklink he was, having worked on his all round game, but England will still hope to win this confrontation. However, Italy showed that Jonny can be put off his game and if Italy can do it then probably Ireland can too. Should the unthinkable, yet inevitable, occur and Wilkinson is unable to play this weekend expect England to give a first start to Toby Flood (who makes Charlie Hodgson look composed) or wheel Mike Catt on for more farcical fun.
Advantage: ENGLAND (if Wilkinson plays, otherwise IRELAND by a country mile)

David Strettle v Shane Horgan
Shame that Jason Robinson is injured as he was showing flashes of superness and his match up with Horgan was shaping up to be an intriguing contest between two different sorts of players. Many people, myself included, thought Horgan was just a donkey. Time and
time again, however, he has shown that he cuts the mustard on the world stage: he's got good hands and pace for such a big lump and really works well with his Leinster colleagues. Debutant David Strettle will be in for a tough time. I've never seen him play but he's supposed to be quick, which is good, but not the best defender, which is bad. I fear the step up to International level from the Saxons will be too great for him.
Advantage: IRELAND

Andy Farrell v Gordon D'Arcy
This is where Ireland really start to dominate. Farrell will have to learn extremely fast this week - he has been caught out a few times in defence and if you give that man D'Arcy (not to be confused with Jane Austin) an inch etc...I'm looking for a bookie to give me odds on how many times D'Arcy turns Farrell over (oo-er Matron).
Advantage: IRELAND

Mike Tindall v Brian O'Driscoll
Best centre in the world versus an honest bosher? Pfffff
Advantage: IRELAND

Josh Lewsey v Denis Hickie
Lewsey is a class player but I don't think his hard defence will perturb Hickie. Hickie disappointingly is not in the least bit sloppy but he does have all the tricks on the wing whereas pretty much everyone reckons Lewsey is better at fullback.
Advantage: IRELAND

Olly Morgan v Girvan Dempsey
The whole of England breathed a sigh of relief when Ian Balshaw was injured. Step up Olly Morgan. I've only seen him play once and he seems to be a solid but unspectacular player much like Dempsey. 'Girv the Swerve' is one of the least interesting players in world rugby but watch out for his trademark catch and run, stepping into the first tackler... class. Unfortunately for England he doesn't make any mistakes. Fortunately for England he looks like a shrew.
Advantage: EVENS

THE BENCH: Neither side have any particularly inspiring options but watch out for Neil Best coming on to bash Wilkinson to death. Also look out for Shaun Perry for England, from the Black Country - those lads are always welcome in any company!

OVERALL: Everyone knows the cliche that is the secret of beating Ireland i.e. muller them up front so their exciting backs can't do anything. (Why are they so effective? Notice their back-line brilliance comes in the post riverdance generation). Sadly no England team has been able to do this since 2003 (when Martin Johnson personally, in a brilliant 80 minutes, made the Ireland team, Mary McAleese and the entire Lansdowne Road crowd his bitches - television at its best!).

VERDICT: Ireland 22 England 15.

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