• Premier League

The Premier League: More ridiculous than WWE

Alan Tyers
September 22, 2014
Mario Balotelli jumped in on Manchester United's defeat against Leicester with a "LOL" tweet © Getty Images
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Football action so extraordinary that it even made the Queen Mum of Football swear, as Gary Lineker tweeted 'F***ing Hell!" during the brilliant Leicester City versus Manchester United game, this was a weekend of football that made WWE seem staid and sensible.

With its troupe of dastardly villains and shiny heroes, ridiculously dramatic narrative and booming drama, World Wrestling Entertainment (and its WWF forerunner) made big bucks out of the idea of sporting entertainment.

Costa looks the part: there is something of the pirate about him in those flashing dark eyes and mane of jet-black hair

No fight too implausible, no storyline too cheesy, the key to WWE's success was the simple but brilliant casting of Faces - hunky all-American goodies, often wrapped metaphorically or indeed literally in the Stars And Stripes against Heels, evil baddies who bend or break the rules (and are often of a darker skin tone or generally foreign persuasion, although that's another, more unpleasant story).

With a demanding public constantly needing new goodies and baddies to root for, an enduringly popular narrative has been the Heel-Face Turn, when a former villain is 'redeemed', rebooted and remarketed as a noble competitor, WWE legend Stone Cold Steve Austin being perhaps the best example. And it can work the other way around too, when a Good Guy Goes Bad.

Chelsea fans were treated to their very own Face-Heel Turn on Sunday when Frank Lampard came on for Manchester City to adoring chants of "There's only one Frankie Lampard" from the Chelsea faithful, only for him to score the goal that denied them the win. It's at this point that commentators generally say things like "the script was written", but in this case, it really did feel like the sort of bombastic drama that they'd come up with in professional wrestling.

Frank Lampard got a good reception from Chelsea fans - and then scored © Getty Images
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The Chelsea versus City game also had another excellent Face versus Heel duel in a brilliant battle between Vincent Kompany, surely one of the most decent and well-liked top-quality players the Premier League has ever featured, against Diego Costa, who is shaping up nicely as a dastardly foreign cheat to rival Ruud van Nistelrooy, Ronaldo and Didier Drogba.

Costa really looks the part: there is something of the pirate about him in those flashing dark eyes and mane of jet-black hair, and his first few weeks in England suggest a flair for playing the baddie. It's as yet unlikely that he will leap into the stands and retake to the field of play to hit an opponent with a folding chair, but the thought of him delivering a sly gouge to the eyes while getting an opposing defender in a Boston Crab seems entirely possible. The blood-and-thunder battle between him and Kompany was the main event at the Etihad, one of several fascinating tactical debates raised by a cagey, bruising game.

The other great match of the weekend, of course, was Leicester City versus Manchester Untied. This was an underdog tale for the ages and if you didn't enjoy this, then you must be dead. Or Louis van Gaal. When the Foxes went two down, it looked over, but when their fightback was cut short at 3-1, there cannot have been a person in the land who fancied their chances.

To score four goals without reply against a side packed with vastly expensive talent was simply remarkable. The match also benefited from a popular WWE trope: bizarre referee involvement. In WWE, dodgy refereeing is all part of the scripted fun, and while Mark Clattenburg's bad decisions were foolishness rather than fraud, he certainly played a full part in helping the Foxes up off the canvas.

The undercard this weekend wasn't half bad: Liverpool once again sent sprawling to the mat, more hissing and jeering for the arch villain of the North East Alan Pardew, Mesut Ozil hitting back at his critics and further wins for the little guy in the shape of Crystal Palace. And it was all topped off by some textbook crowd baiting, with Mario Balotelli tweeting the brilliant, simple wind-up "Man Utd … LOL". Never mind the Premier League, that's cape-swishing, moustache-twirling Heel behaviour that would make the WWE proud.

Mesut Ozil was on the equivalent of the Premier League's WWE undercard © Getty Images
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Alan Tyers writes for the Daily Telegraph, ESPNcricinfo and is the author of six books, the most recent of which is 'Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects'

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